Update 4/21

Praise be to Jesus Christ.

Sorry for delay in update. Hope this makes sense and I am not being a complainer.

These couple weeks have been difficult. Sometimes I didnt know what was real. A wise friend encouraged me to write down what I know to be real.

What is real:

God is real.

He loves me and died for me. His love and mercy is poured out for all sinners.

Mother Mary has me wrapped in her mantle and brings me closer to my Lord.

My husband loves me, is always by my side through everything. He cares for me and loves me even when I can’t do the same.

My children love me and I love them just in a different way right now. I pray for them and try to cuddle when I can.

I am never alone.

My parents, family and friends are always with me and love me, my husband and children.

Our community is amazing and your support is beyond all imagination.

God only gives thoughts of peace and love.

Many more

**LIES I get trapped in: There are many.

I am not a wife.

I am not a mother.

I am just being dramatic.

I am faking it.

I am unlovable.

Should be alone and dont deserve people to care or love me.

I despair and cry out to God.

I think everyone would be better without me.

I am a burden.

Many more.

A couple weeks ago Damien took me to er because I was having seizures every 3 min. And not aware of them. I didnt know what was happening or what was real. I couldn’t figure out time or reality. The seizures slowly got better over the past couple weeks with more meds. I only have a few a day, they are shorter and am usually aware at least for some of it. Sometimes still hard to know how much time passed or what is real. My friend said to hold a crucifix if I cant figure out what is real. Damien will put it in my hand if I can not. I feel I am beginning to come out of a deep thick fog. (Like in the Tangled movie song) *Its like the fog has lifted * Sometimes it comes back but it is much better and I just remind myself what is real.

Radiation is harder than I thought and I look forward to the weekends, especially Sunday when I get to go to mass. I love mass. I am half way done. I speak slower and slurred sometimes because of the radiation on my motor areas. It makes my lips and tongue go numb. A lot of my hair is falling out. Damien calls it my monk tonsure. Lol.

Damien and I just had our 12 year anniversary of entering the Catholic Church. We are so blessed. It has been amazing. Thank you to Lisa and John Neilsen for sponsoring us and sacrificing so much to help us through the process and are still there for us now.

Lord, it is hard but I offer myself as a living sacrifice. I give you all of my joys and sufferings. I surrender myself to you and will trust in You. Forgive me for my weakness and be my strength and refuge.

I wish I could write a nice thank you letter to every single one of you. You are all so generous, so kind, and showing us God’s love. We love you all.

God is so good to us.