Oct. 18th

Praise be to God! We have been so overwhelmed by all your love and support. I pray you all know how grateful we are for everything. I will never be able to repay you.

On Oct. 16th I received a call from my nurse Navigator (Jen). She is like a case manager. She told me that the biopsy showed it is cancer. She said it didn’t originate in my brain, that it traveled there. So there is cancer somewhere else in my body. The biopsy “stain” (not sure what that means) indicated 2 possibilities thyroid or renal. She did say it could be anything but these were what showed up. My next steps are more testing to find the source. On Monday I have a blood test that will show if there are other tumor cells in my body. Im waiting on authorization for a Full body PET scan that will hopefully be able to find the source. Jen is trying to expedite the authorization and praying I can get the test next week. So this is where we are. It is shocking. We told only Leah and Eden. The little girls do not know so please don’t say anything and I would greatly appreciate it if you do not tell your children that are around their ages. The children that are Leah and Eden’s ages are fine to know. We will tell the younger kids after we have the type of cancer and plan of what is going to happen. She said the plan will probably be radiation and chemo. Damien and I didnt have much time to process because the kids came home about 2 minutes after the call ended. It was very difficult to hold it together, but by the grace of God we did. We are slowly processing all this. Jesus, I trust in you. In my first post the song Here I am Lord. Is it I, Lord? Came into my mind. I guess God’s answer is that it is I. My mind is spinning with opposing thoughts. Everything will be fine, I will survive this and then 2 sec. Later thinking I don’t want to leave my family and my children. I see God in all of this! He is here with me. Mother Mary has me wrapped in her mantle. Jesus, give me strength, perseverance, and help me show your love and do your Will. I know He works everything for good. Jesus, I trust in you, help me trust you more. I am weak. I am scared.

Telling my parents was very difficult. I can imagine how they feel and I dont want them to feel that way. Its so hard to see them struggling. One amazing thing was I told them so much about God that I was always afraid to tell them. I told them I wanted them to be open and look into the faith. I told them God loves them and he is good. I told them I would go through this 1000 times and even die for them to come to know God. This is my deepest prayer that through this situation I can show them God. God is real, God created us, He wants you to know Him, love Him, and be with Him for all eternity. Come Holy Spirit fill the atmosphere. Your Glory Lord is what my heart longs for. I know all of this sounds crazy to them and I dont blame them. I just pray that no matter what happens they know the truth and search for truth. It would be worth every ounce of suffering. Please pray for them.

I pray that this does not cause my own children to walk away from the faith. I pray it brings them closer to Our Lord and Our Lady. Please pray for my children. The boys will not understand. The girls will understand all too well. I pray God will use this suffering to sanctify my children. I pray they will lean on God and God will overwhelm them with His love, peace, and mercy.

I pray for a miracle to strengthen all of us. Lord help me not despair. Help me have hope.

I truly am blown away by our community. When we first entered the Catholic Church I felt very little community. I thought we had a great community in the protestant church we were at and I didnt feel the same thing in the Catholic Church at that time. I prayed for community and God gave me a community beyond my wildest dreams. Our community is not perfect but it is incredible. Thank you to each of you for every act of love and charity you have shown us during this time. It is so comforting knowing we are not alone and we are being carried by you. Words can not express my gratitude and love I have for all of you. Please dont hesitate to reach out. It helps me so much. I love you all.

Only God knows what lies ahead and I am weak but I will try my best to trust. I will update after the tests next week.

Your sister in Christ,

Ashley